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Post by redsoxgirl on Apr 4, 2019 21:53:14 GMT
When I was in college my friend suffered a miscarriage. It was not early stage. So, people put two and two together. But, no one said anything to her. It was awful. As JustJUls said, for some reason, people don't want to talk about or hear about a miscarriage. It's not even really considered a death. My friend talked about not being allowed to grieve the death of her unborn baby. People don't think about a miscarriage as being as awful as the death of a child who has been born. "You can always try for another one." She did hear that. Not helpful. We assign levels of grief to other peoples losses. Someone who lives a long life was 'lucky' and the person grieving that loss is hearing "it's not as terrible as losing a child." Well, to the person mour ing the loss it is. Their world is forever altered. And what if hey don't have kids? Why can't we just acknowledge that all death is horrible and one type is not better than or worse than the other? Someone dies from cancer and it's not as terrible as someone committing suicide because the griever had time to say goodbye to the cancer patient. someone has a miscarriage and it's "well, it's not like the child was born. That would be worse."
Comparative grief is a terrible thing. To the person mourning it IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. They are not luckier than someone else who is grieving a loss. Just support someone. Don't offer 'comforting advice.' Just say "I'm so sorry for your loss." Validate the pain. Don't minimize it. I think what Baldwin is doing is brave . She's putting herself out there for those who have suffe5rd miscarriages, helping them to find a voice.
Also don't say "we've all experienced death " as a way to calm someone down. Each death is unique, each experience in grieving unique. Because each relationship is unique. Just hug and say "I'm so sorry." And don't be afraid to ask the mourner to share memories of their loved one (if it was a good relationship). Or share a memory of their loved one with them. When someone dies they do not cease to exist. It's okay to talk about them. I know, a bit off topic. But, it reminded e of the isolation that grieving can bring.
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Post by redsoxgirl on Apr 4, 2019 21:58:40 GMT
I'm so in awe of Brittany Spears. she needed to make a difficult decision. Take care of herself so she can continue to be there for her Dad. Mental illness is another taboo disease. What she is doing takes so much internal strength and courage. Because society automatically judges mental illness as a deficiency in character and even morals. It's why people keep it a secret. But, when someone like Britany Spears goes for treatment I like to believe maybe, just maybe, one person realizes her strength and the strength of anyone who battles mental illness.
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Post by acookertv on Apr 4, 2019 22:01:13 GMT
When I was in college my friend suffered a miscarriage. It was not early stage. So, people put two and two together. But, no one said anything to her. It was awful. As JustJUls said, for some reason, people don't want to talk about or hear about a miscarriage. It's not even really considered a death. My friend talked about not being allowed to grieve the death of her unborn baby. People don't think about a miscarriage as being as awful as the death of a child who has been born. "You can always try for another one." She did hear that. Not helpful. We assign levels of grief to other peoples losses. Someone who lives a long life was 'lucky' and the person grieving that loss is hearing "it's not as terrible as losing a child." Well, to the person mour ing the loss it is. Their world is forever altered. And what if hey don't have kids? Why can't we just acknowledge that all death is horrible and one type is not better than or worse than the other? Someone dies from cancer and it's not as terrible as someone committing suicide because the griever had time to say goodbye to the cancer patient. someone has a miscarriage and it's "well, it's not like the child was born. That would be worse." Comparative grief is a terrible thing. To the person mourning it IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. They are not luckier than someone else who is grieving a loss. Just support someone. Don't offer 'comforting advice.' Just say "I'm so sorry for your loss." Validate the pain. Don't minimize it. I think what Baldwin is doing is brave . She's putting herself out there for those who have suffe5rd miscarriages, helping them to find a voice. Also don't say "we've all experienced death " as a way to calm someone down. Each death is unique, each experience in grieving unique. Because each relationship is unique. Just hug and say "I'm so sorry." And don't be afraid to ask the mourner to share memories of their loved one (if it was a good relationship). Or share a memory of their loved one with them. When someone dies they do not cease to exist. It's okay to talk about them. I know, a bit off topic. But, it reminded e of the isolation that grieving can bring. Well said. There are so many times in life when a person is hurting, and people have a genuine desire to say something to make it better. Supportive people with the best of intentions make "well at least its ...: statements to try to help, but sometimes despite the good intentions they just end up causing more hurt. At their core, I think a lot of those well intended statements do come from a place of wanting to make it better so the well wisher can go on with his/her life instead of feeling the hurt for the other person. Sometimes it's better to just say "you're right - it sucks and nothing will change that, so I"m here to hurt with you". It's a blessing that when many families go through a miscarriage they have a loving support system to help them through. But not everyone has that kind of support system. For the ones who don't have it, I think it does help when people in the public eye are willing to share their experiences. Those experiences lead to other people talking, and spread an awareness that regardless of what hardship a person is facing, that person is not alone and there is hope after all the parts that really really suck. I think that HIllaria doesn't do herself any favors because in other aspects of her life, she is so showy about things that anything she does comes across with a tone of fame whoring instead of genuine care for others. But even fame whores can have glimmers of good. If her being open about her experience with the platform that she has is able to mean something helpful to someone who needs it then I'm thankful for her fame whoring.
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Post by JustJuls on Apr 4, 2019 22:01:23 GMT
It's a very personal experience that we don't talk about enough imo. For some reason it isn't something people want to know about ...or know how to deal with when someone goes through that loss. So the people that experience it are often left feeling even more alone. It's incredibly hard. It's a death that you often grieve alone. I am not sure who you are talking about JustJuls .... " people not wanting to know about it" .... " people not knowing how to deal with it" .... " people grieving a miscarriage are left feeling even more alone" .... My DIL had a miscarriage and both our families (her family in Canada) and my family here in the USA, as well as all her GF's and co-workers gathered around her. We made sure she did not go through this alone. We were all there for her from the minute she thought something not right was happening. But one thing I will tell you for sure...there was NO way my DIL was putting this private personal moment on social media including pics of her in her underwear. Your DIL was blessed to have a lot of people around her. I can't say it's the same for everyone.
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 4, 2019 22:10:39 GMT
I have been on this earth for a long time....there must be some really 'cold' people out there if a family member experiencing a miscarriage does not have anyone around them to grieve with them.
My Mom even had a miscarriage between my sister and I .... we have a huge family .... while none of my bro's and sis' even knew this little sweet one .... my Mom always talked about losing that baby and this happened years and years ago.
I guess I just don't get people who are not there for people when they are in need such as a time like this.
As I posted this is a sad moment in Baldwin's lives, I am sure they have many family members that would be there for A&H ... but putting this on SM in your underwear ... that I don't get.
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Post by FannyMare on Apr 4, 2019 22:18:43 GMT
I have been on this earth for a long time....there must be some really 'cold' people out there if a family member experiencing a miscarriage does not have anyone around them to grieve with them. My Mom even had a miscarriage between my sister and I .... we have a huge family .... while none of my bro's and sis' even knew this little sweet one .... my Mom always talked about losing that baby and this happened years and years ago. I guess I just don't get people who are not there for people when they are in need such as a time like this. As I posted this is a sad moment in Baldwin's lives, I am sure they have many family members that would be there for A&H ... but putting this on SM in your underwear ... that I don't get. I was alone, my ex was at work, my family were all in the UK. It was a tough time for me, but as usual I had the love of my animals, I crawled into bed and cried (a lot..)
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 4, 2019 23:04:22 GMT
I have been on this earth for a long time....there must be some really 'cold' people out there if a family member experiencing a miscarriage does not have anyone around them to grieve with them. My Mom even had a miscarriage between my sister and I .... we have a huge family .... while none of my bro's and sis' even knew this little sweet one .... my Mom always talked about losing that baby and this happened years and years ago. I guess I just don't get people who are not there for people when they are in need such as a time like this. As I posted this is a sad moment in Baldwin's lives, I am sure they have many family members that would be there for A&H ... but putting this on SM in your underwear ... that I don't get. I was alone, my ex was at work, my family were all in the UK. It was a tough time for me, but as usual I had the love of my animals, I crawled into bed and cried (a lot..) (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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Post by acookertv on Apr 4, 2019 23:47:31 GMT
I have been on this earth for a long time....there must be some really 'cold' people out there if a family member experiencing a miscarriage does not have anyone around them to grieve with them. My Mom even had a miscarriage between my sister and I .... we have a huge family .... while none of my bro's and sis' even knew this little sweet one .... my Mom always talked about losing that baby and this happened years and years ago. I guess I just don't get people who are not there for people when they are in need such as a time like this. As I posted this is a sad moment in Baldwin's lives, I am sure they have many family members that would be there for A&H ... but putting this on SM in your underwear ... that I don't get. Not everyone has family. Of course, Hillaria does so that does not negate your original point. However, the honest experiences people have shared here and been supported for sharing do support the idea that her being public with her experience does in fact prompt people to talk
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Post by MissGriss on Apr 5, 2019 0:04:25 GMT
Just a question for clarification momrek06... Is your issue with Baldwin the idea that you see her as essentially "live tweeting" her miscarriage or that she's mentioning it at all? If it's the former, I get that it's more than a bit unusual, but some of these people who live their lives in social media seem to get comfort from sharing private stuff with their fans. Wouldn't work for me, but... If it's the latter, I think it's good to talk about it to raise awareness. As for the underwear pic, is it possible that she was saying, "I get that I am barely showing, but this baby is very real for me, and I'm going to be devastated if I lose it."
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 5, 2019 0:39:59 GMT
Just a question for clarification momrek06 ... Is your issue with Baldwin the idea that you see her as essentially "live tweeting" her miscarriage or that she's mentioning it at all? If it's the former, I get that it's more than a bit unusual, but some of these people who live their lives in social media seem to get comfort from sharing private stuff with their fans. Wouldn't work for me, but... If it's the latter, I think it's good to talk about it to raise awareness. As for the underwear pic, is it possible that she was saying, "I get that I am barely showing, but this baby is very real for me, and I'm going to be devastated if I lose it." @miss_Griss .... the live tweeting a miscarriage in underwear .... I get that the world is all about SM now. But can't some things in people's lives be private anymore. Absolutely talk about it but grabbing your iphone and going on SM while it's happening. My DIL talked about it privately with our families as it was happening BUT not on SM and taking pics in her underwear. For instance ... Gordon Ramsey's wife had a miscarriage but many months AFTER the miscarriage he and his wife spoke of it. That was a few years ago and now they are proudly expecting again OR she may have had the baby.
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 5, 2019 0:44:01 GMT
I have been on this earth for a long time....there must be some really 'cold' people out there if a family member experiencing a miscarriage does not have anyone around them to grieve with them. My Mom even had a miscarriage between my sister and I .... we have a huge family .... while none of my bro's and sis' even knew this little sweet one .... my Mom always talked about losing that baby and this happened years and years ago. I guess I just don't get people who are not there for people when they are in need such as a time like this. As I posted this is a sad moment in Baldwin's lives, I am sure they have many family members that would be there for A&H ... but putting this on SM in your underwear ... that I don't get. Not everyone has family. Of course, Hillaria does so that does not negate your original point. However, the honest experiences people have shared here and been supported for sharing do support the idea that her being public with her experience does in fact prompt people to talkNone of us are talking about HB's miscarriage......we are all discussing SM.
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Post by JustJuls on Apr 5, 2019 1:19:34 GMT
I guess part of what I was getting at was you often don't tell anyone until you are 3 months (or more) along in your pregnancy because you are in FEAR of miscarrying. So a lot of people in your life don't know...even your closest friends and family sometimes. That in itself can make you feel alone. And for most of us...we don't publicly put it on social media like you would if your grandma passed away. Or a best friend. Or a dog. So you don't get an outpouring of love and sympathy. Or a casserole like Vicki from RHOC would want Of course if you go the route of telling friends and family hopefully they would be there to support you...mine always were. I have had multiple miscarriages and gone about it both ways. Never posting it on social media. And I go around feeling like the majority of people in my life have no idea the amount of pain that I was in. And for some reason it doesn't feel right to tell everyone? That's what I'm getting at....why is it that way?
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Post by redsoxgirl on Apr 5, 2019 17:23:14 GMT
I have been on this earth for a long time....there must be some really 'cold' people out there if a family member experiencing a miscarriage does not have anyone around them to grieve with them. My Mom even had a miscarriage between my sister and I .... we have a huge family .... while none of my bro's and sis' even knew this little sweet one .... my Mom always talked about losing that baby and this happened years and years ago. I guess I just don't get people who are not there for people when they are in need such as a time like this. As I posted this is a sad moment in Baldwin's lives, I am sure they have many family members that would be there for A&H ... but putting this on SM in your underwear ... that I don't get. I was alone, my ex was at work, my family were all in the UK. It was a tough time for me, but as usual I had the love of my animals, I crawled into bed and cried (a lot..) I am so very sorry you had to go through that without family. You deserve better. But, animals really are amazing.
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Post by FannyMare on Apr 5, 2019 17:58:07 GMT
I came out okay, and you are right, animals are amazing.. I had two healthy children after my miscarriage..I was lucky..
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 5, 2019 19:40:40 GMT
Olivia Jade Is 'Embarrassed' by College Scandal But Hopes to 'Rebuild Her Brand': Sourcepeople.com/tv/lori-loughlin-daughter-olivia-jade-embarrassed-college-scandal/?utm_medium=browser&utm_source=people.com&utm_content=20190405&utm_campaign=353407IMHO there is no way this daughter, OJ, was in the dark about HOW she got into USC. She so has to get over herself. And to blame her parents for embarrassing her and ruining "her brand" is a disgrace. The requirements to get into USC are very very DIFFICULT. Can I get into USC? The school has a 16% acceptance rate. Last year, 9,042 out of 56,676 applicants were admitted making USC a very highly competitive school to get into with a low chance of acceptance for typical applicants. Academically, it has exceptionally high requirements for admission test scores, generally admitting students who score in the top 7 percent. University of Southern California typically accepts and attracts "A-" average high school students. So are we all to believe that this (above) is OJ's academic profile? “She would have never gone along with it (the scam) if she thought this would happen. Her thing is that she trusted her parents,” the source says......... "huh"!!!!! What does THAT mean? Getting into college is NOT about your parents. High school students start preparing for college when they are freshmen. They work closely with their Guidance Counselors.
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Post by dagwood on Apr 5, 2019 19:43:22 GMT
So she never would have done it if she had known she would get caught. Place the blame where it lies, on yourself. Your parents had their part but you could have said no.
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 5, 2019 19:52:37 GMT
So she never would have done it if she had known she would get caught. Place the blame where it lies, on yourself. Your parents had their part but you could have said no. EXACTLY!!!
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Post by justCoz on Apr 5, 2019 19:56:04 GMT
Well, she's not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, so maybe she didn't know she couldn't get in on her own merits But she did tell them she didn't want to go, so I can believe that she didn't have a lot to do with the process of getting in. She probably didn't do a lot of her own paperwork.
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 7, 2019 0:53:28 GMT
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Post by Amy Lee on Apr 8, 2019 5:39:16 GMT
It's a very personal experience that we don't talk about enough imo. For some reason it isn't something people want to know about ...or know how to deal with when someone goes through that loss. So the people that experience it are often left feeling even more alone. It's incredibly hard. It's a death that you often grieve alone. I am not sure who you are talking about JustJuls .... " people not wanting to know about it" .... " people not knowing how to deal with it" .... " people grieving a miscarriage are left feeling even more alone" .... My DIL had a miscarriage and both our families (her family in Canada) and my family here in the USA, as well as all her GF's and co-workers gathered around her. We made sure she did not go through this alone. We were all there for her from the minute she thought something not right was happening. But one thing I will tell you for sure...there was NO way my DIL was putting this private personal moment on social media including pics of her in her underwear. And that is your DIL's choice. This is Hilaria's. She's a yoga instructor and she's comfortable with her body. I support her for this.
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 8, 2019 13:54:51 GMT
I am not sure who you are talking about JustJuls .... " people not wanting to know about it" .... " people not knowing how to deal with it" .... " people grieving a miscarriage are left feeling even more alone" .... My DIL had a miscarriage and both our families (her family in Canada) and my family here in the USA, as well as all her GF's and co-workers gathered around her. We made sure she did not go through this alone. We were all there for her from the minute she thought something not right was happening. But one thing I will tell you for sure...there was NO way my DIL was putting this private personal moment on social media including pics of her in her underwear. And that is your DIL's choice. This is Hilaria's. She's a yoga instructor and she's comfortable with her body. I support her for this. Look I have said this over and over again if you took the time to read all my posts.........I support her talking about but IN HER UNDERWEAR on SM???
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 8, 2019 14:02:46 GMT
Kim Foxx defends her decision to drop charges against Jussie Smollett and suggests criticism of her is because of racewww.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6897139/Kim-Foxx-defends-decision-drop-charges-against-Jussie-Smollett-says-race-criticism.htmlI posted about KF weeks ago when JS' charges were dropped. I posted that everyone should google her because there has been some shady stuff going on in the prosecutors office there in Chicago. "Foxx, who recused herself from the case after she communicating with a Smollett relative during the probe, reiterated that she welcomes of an independent investigation into the way she and her office handled the case."Now because the CPD and the City want an investigation into why charges were dropped with NO explanation AFTER staggering evidence against JS made it clear that this was all STAGED, KF is calling this racism?
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lonnie
FORT Addict
Posts: 1,256
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Post by lonnie on Apr 8, 2019 17:11:56 GMT
^^ It sounds like she's trying to save face for the case being bungled.
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 8, 2019 19:13:40 GMT
^^ It sounds like she's trying to save face for the case being bungled. I agree lonnie. KF bungled the case herself by reaching out to people she had NO business reaching out when in the middle of a CASE such as this one.
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 8, 2019 19:14:25 GMT
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 8, 2019 19:26:34 GMT
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lonnie
FORT Addict
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Post by lonnie on Apr 8, 2019 19:37:04 GMT
I wonder how much time allison will get, hopefully a lot. It said a minimum of 15 years if she's convicted of all the charges.
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Post by betty80 on Apr 8, 2019 22:47:44 GMT
Are Lori's glasses new? Are they new for the legal case?
Lori Loughlin’s Acting Career Continued with a Special Weekend Performance Featuring Her Other Daughter"She could just be a Los Angeles mom, living her life, giving her daughter a full-on embrace with an open-mouth smile while she waits for valet to bring her car around. Or, Lori Loughlin could be continuing to posture for the press — as if to say "everything's fine! Nothing to see here!" — as she faces possible prison time for her alleged involvement in the college admissions scandal. To review, last week, the Fuller House actress was seen smiling as she signed autographs for fans outside the Boston courthouse where she had her hearing. Then, over the weekend, paparazzi just happened to capture (ahem) photos of her hugging her eldest daughter, Isabella Rose, amid rumors that at least one of her daughters is furious at her and her husband for allegedly bribing officials to allow them entrance to University of Southern California. Conspicuously, Loughlin's youngest daughter, Olivia Jade, was not present for the (staged? could it be?) outing. Rumors abound that the YouTube influencer — who never showed interest in college, anyway — blames her parents for the demise of her career. After the scandal came to light, Olivia Jade lost her deals with both Sephora and TRESemme."
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Post by momrek06 on Apr 8, 2019 23:01:34 GMT
Are Lori's glasses new? Are they new for the legal case?
Lori Loughlin’s Acting Career Continued with a Special Weekend Performance Featuring Her Other Daughter"She could just be a Los Angeles mom, living her life, giving her daughter a full-on embrace with an open-mouth smile while she waits for valet to bring her car around. Or, Lori Loughlin could be continuing to posture for the press — as if to say "everything's fine! Nothing to see here!" — as she faces possible prison time for her alleged involvement in the college admissions scandal. To review, last week, the Fuller House actress was seen smiling as she signed autographs for fans outside the Boston courthouse where she had her hearing. Then, over the weekend, paparazzi just happened to capture (ahem) photos of her hugging her eldest daughter, Isabella Rose, amid rumors that at least one of her daughters is furious at her and her husband for allegedly bribing officials to allow them entrance to University of Southern California. Conspicuously, Loughlin's youngest daughter, Olivia Jade, was not present for the (staged? could it be?) outing. Rumors abound that the YouTube influencer — who never showed interest in college, anyway — blames her parents for the demise of her career. After the scandal came to light, Olivia Jade lost her deals with both Sephora and TRESemme." Hiiii betty80 .... while I know nothing of the law and my son and dil in WASH DC are both attorneys but its a pain for me to call them all the time to ask them to define something .... (which I do ALLOT when I see stuff in the News)!!! BUT on this post of yours and the article .....Harvey Levin commented last week after seeing LL in Boston, smiling, all giddy and signing autographs, he made the comments that the JUDGE for this Varsity Blue's case is really tough and if she (as judge is a female) see the likes of this type of nonsense from LL as this is a VERY SERIOUS situation .... the sentence could be more severe that LL expects. LL so needs to REIN IT IN. Keep a low profile. TMZ has pics of her all over Hollywood this weekend with her other daughter laughing it up and having a blast. Judge feels that type of behavior is not acceptable and may send the wrong message to people that again the RICH and FAMOUS are ABOVE the LAW. Interesting ... huh
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Post by redsoxgirl on Apr 9, 2019 7:10:10 GMT
FBI Claims Chicago Police Department May Have ‘Overstated’ Jussie Smollett Casenewsone.com/3847071/jussie-smollett-chicago-police-fbi/TMZ is reporting the FBI said the Chicago Police were “overstating” when they said Jussie sent the letter to himself. One federal law enforcement source told TMZ, “I think he [Johnson] went too far. We’re not there yet.” TMZ also reports, “We’re told authorities are trying to determine if the pages have the lettering found in the letter. They’re also checking the postage stamp against the stamps found in the brothers’ apartment.” The Nigerian brothers, Abel and Ola Osundairo, denied sending the letter. Police Superintendent Eddie Johnson may have also gone too far when he said Jussie paid the brothers $3,500 to stage the attack. TMZ reports they “obtained documents that on the surface back his claim the $3,500 check he wrote to Abel was for training. The check was written to Abel on January 23, 2019, six days before the ‘attack.’ The memo line reads, ‘5 week Nutrition/Workout program Don’t Go.'” “Don’t Go” is a song for a music video where he would appear shirtless. TMZ also reports, “There are various texts starting from January 20 between Jussie and Bon. On January 28 — the day before the ‘attack’ — Bon [Abel Osundairo] wrote, ‘I know you’re traveling today, make sure you get at least 45 mins of cardio.’ Another text on January 20 outlines a menu for the day, including chicken thigh, StarKist Tuna, Eggs and Smucker’s peanut butter. And, a text on January 25 reads, ‘This is the meal plan and the breakdown of macronutrients. Also includes projected fat loss.'” The $3,500 breakdown was reportedly “$600 a week for the workout plan for 5 weeks, and $100 a week for the nutrition plan for 5 weeks,” according to TMZ reports. Smollett lawyers released the following statement on Thursday after his arrest:Smollett lawyers released the following statement on Thursday after his arrest: “Today we witnessed an organized law enforcement spectacle that has no place in the American legal system. The presumption of innocence, a bedrock in the search for justice, was trampled upon at the expense of Mr. Smollett and notably, on the eve of a Mayoral election. Mr. Smollett is a young man of impeccable character and integrity who fiercely and solemnly maintains his innocence and feels betrayed by a system that apparently wants to skip due process and proceed directly to sentencing.”
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